so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
