So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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