So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
