im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
