I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
