This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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