I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
