He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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