She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
