You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
