She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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