I met the friendliest cop last night
i think i have herpe
just one?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
