Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
