What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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