Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
