At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
