Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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