well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
