batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
