yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
