Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
