Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
