wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
