those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Couch. On fire.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
