if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
