good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
