dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
