My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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