Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
