She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
