I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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