just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Less talking, more tequila
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
