I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
