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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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