His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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