You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
