I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
