i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
