One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
