My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
