i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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