I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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