That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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