i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
