It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
