i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
