sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
