Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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