so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
