Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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