she looked like the before picture.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
