I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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