Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
